A story of a girl.

UPDATE...&& follow me on TUMBLR.

2010-12-04T22:51:00.002-05:00

i died it again and the roots were sorta red...and then rest is a mixture of light and dark brown..i kinda like it but the red is slowly going to a chesnut brown color...

I also got a Tumblr, i've been using that alot more than here.. i just like it better so check up on me there or follow me.. cus i probably wont be on here much longer.
http://thestoryofstacey.tumblr.com/

thats my site.

and heres a pic..

today..

2010-11-25T14:28:00.002-05:00

leave it to my family to be the only ones who don't eat together on thanksgiving.
we all eat alone, in our rooms.
tomorrow is black friday, i guess i'm gonna go check out some sales.
then going to the beach with the boyfriend.
thats probably the only thing i have to look forward too..
then probably sunday i'm gonna be dying my hair a dark brown... i'm tired of blonde.

new

2010-11-06T22:55:00.001-04:00

experimenting with a hair curler...

pretty pedi.

i just liked this one..

2010-10-28T20:33:00.001-04:00

beach with the boyfriend until monday

i was born in the arms of imaginary friends..

2010-10-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

i try my best to understand all that your love could bring.

i cant keep loving you with half of my heart.

learning how to fly

2010-10-16T19:46:00.000-04:00

2010-10-10T11:03:00.001-04:00

10/8/10 was our 5 month together.. working on 6 months now.
he gave me a huge monkey that is a bed hog, and diamond earrings. how sweet.

2010-09-19T21:40:00.000-04:00

i hate everyone.. seriously.. i'm not a people person..

random..

2010-09-16T19:50:00.002-04:00

i wanna be like rev. run and sit in my nice hot bath tub and blog..but every time i try that i get my hands wet so i can never pick up my phone or laptop.

i'm not just anybody

2010-09-14T21:27:00.000-04:00

2010-09-12T22:39:00.001-04:00

if i asked to name 10 things u like about me.. i dont think you could.

Just The Way You Are

2010-09-10T09:21:00.001-04:00

ily baby.

pretty baby don't you see i'm saving smiles for you

2010-09-09T18:23:00.000-04:00

2010-09-08T13:20:00.000-04:00

4 months..

2010-08-24T13:57:00.001-04:00

Dear God, please listen to me...
i just want this to work out...
i don't ask for much...
just once can you please help me.

ocean city in a nutshell...

2010-08-18T00:35:00.001-04:00

i'm back..

2010-08-15T22:36:00.002-04:00

from the beach.
over all it was a good time..
pictures coming soon.
and i got a ring.. thank you baby.. i love it.

2010-07-27T12:55:00.000-04:00

i'm only telling you how i feel.

2010-07-15T03:17:00.003-04:00

I hate my life. Life can't get any worse; well it probably could, but then i'd just wanna kill myself even faster. I'm tired of hiding behind a smile, pretending everything is ok. But at the same time i'm tired of showing everyone who i really am, then they judge me 'cause its not what they expected. I get yelled at for saying what i think, or how i feel. I constantly cry, and i get yelled at for that too. I never win. I always fuck something up, and nothing ever goes my way. Even god doesn't listen to me. I have nobody to talk to, and even though you may have the bright idea of telling me to make friends... i don't want any. Friends are a failure, all they do is make fun of me. I have a select few that will always be there for me and other than that i have no desire to make friends. I have the pressure of trying to get a job, which is stressful and i just wanna live in a box for the rest of my life just thinking about it. People don't understand me, i guess they never will. I'm different. When i find something i like i stick to it. I hate being yelled at, and put down. I hate when people call me names, and make fun of me. I don't think i'm pretty at all, i can never lose weight, and i'm not getting far with much. Theres only but so much i can handle. And i can honestly say, other than a select few people i just wanna leave this earth. I've always wanted to see what my next life has to offer.. But nobody will understand. Your probably already thinking i'm crazy.

best song ever..

2010-07-08T00:17:00.000-04:00

2010-07-05T23:28:00.001-04:00

25% of all men are unstable. 25% of all men can't be faithful. 30% of them don't mean what they say. 10% of the remaining 20% are homosexuals. That leaves you a 10% chance of ever findin' your perfect man. That also means you better pay attention and try to expose the bad 90% and keep the other 10%.

my current life in 90 questions

2010-07-02T02:20:00.002-04:00

1. What was the highlight of your week?
well the week isn't over, but spending the days with my bf def. made the top of my list..

2. Whose car were you in last?
bf

3. When is the next time you will kiss someone?
in the morning.

4. What color shirt are you wearing?
black

5. How long is your hair?
longer than yours.

6. Are you good looking?
so i've heard.

7. Last movie you watched?
twilight

8. Who were you with?
andrew

9. Last thing you ate?
scallop wrapped in bacon...bad idea.

10. Last thing you drank?
lemonade

11. When was the last time you had your heart broken?
idk i dont particularly look forward to it..

12. Who came over last?
andrew

13. Are you happy right now?
in general

14. What did you say last?
idr

15. Where is your phone?
next to me

16. What color are your eyes?
gree

17. Are you left-handed?
nope

18. Spell your name without vowels:
stc

19. Do you have any pets?
yea..

20. Favorite Vacation?
beach or anywhere with the bf

21. What do you dislike currently?
not being able to sleep

22. What are you listening to?
nothing

23. If you could have one thing right now what would it be?
sleep

24. What is your favorite scent?
ed hardy... hearts and daggers.

25. Who makes you happiest?
him

26. What were you doing at midnight last night?
layin in my bfs bed

27. When is your birthday?
june 17

28. Who has the same phone as you?
tina

29. Last time you went swimming in a pool?
2 days ago

30. Do you read your horoscope?
no

31. Where was the last place you bought something?
candy...

32. How do you feel about your hair right now?
its fine

33. Do you bite your nails?
sure..

36. Myspace or facebook?
fb.

37. How fast have you driven a car?
fast enough

38. Have you ever smoked?
use to

39. What was or is your favorite subject in school?
not n skool no more, but i liked art.

40. Do you have Verizon?
who doesnt.

41. What type of boy or girl do you usually fall for?
mature looking.. tall, built nicely, and a good teddy bear.

42. Do you have any hidden talents?
....lol

43. Favorite Song?
dont have one

44. Do you like to sing at all?
no

45. Dream Job?
fashion designer

46. Where does most of your family live?
pa.

47. Are you an only child or do you have siblings?
siblings.

48. Would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
far from it

49. What was the first thing you thought when you woke up?
idk

50. Do you drink?
at parties

51. Know any other languages?
yea

52. Ever write a coded message?
no

53. Have you ever been IN a wedding?
yea, a bridesmaid.

54. Do you have any children?
not yet

55. Did you take a nap today?
nope

56. Who has the same birthday as you?
alot of ppl

57. Ever met anyone famous before?
myself.

58. Do you want to be famous one day?
i am

59. Any Pet Peeves?
too many....

60. Are you multitasking right now?
nah

61. Do you like Britany Spears?
she use to be good...

62. What is your least favorite chore?
idk

63. Last place you drove your car?
smh

65. Where were you born?
here.

66. Could you handle being in the military?
yea

67. What is your average cell phone bill?
i dont pay it

68. Who are you thinking about right now?
babys daddy

69. When was the last time you laughed REALLY hard?
idk... few days ago

70. How many pairs of shoes do you own?
alotttt

71. Are your toes always painted?
yess

72. How many piercings do you have?
4

73. What are you doing today?
gym, bank, beach.

74. Have you ever been gambling?
no

76. Do you like rollercoasters?
yeaa

77. Have you ever been to disneyland or world?
wen i was young

78. Do you have a favorite cartoon character?
no

79. Last thing you cooked?
mac and cheese..

80. How's the weather?
idk its 2am

81. Do you e-mail?
no

82. What's the stupidest thing you ever did with your cell phone?
lol..

83. Last time you were sick?
i always am

84. What states have you lived in?
ur very nosey...

85. Do you wish you could move?
i am moving.

87. What is your dream car?
ford mustang

88. Have you ever wanted someone you cant have?
no

89. If you could be anywhere right now where would it be?
greece

we morphed our pics into our future baby... sorta. lol...

2010-07-01T01:45:00.001-04:00

our songs...

2010-06-27T00:09:00.002-04:00

we have 2 songs.

beautiful mess- diamond rio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zh1ajZ9_j28

right where i need to be- gary allan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h9JjUH5NofI

both are country songs.. we decided this awhile ago but i'm just now putting this up.

[hell is empty, all the devils are here..]

beach with andrew

2010-06-22T22:51:00.001-04:00

2010-06-20T19:21:00.000-04:00

club night #1 ... 3 more nights to go..

2010-06-18T10:59:00.001-04:00

club dresses

2010-06-14T17:14:00.002-04:00

new hair color

2010-06-14T00:39:00.002-04:00

half blonde and half chocolate brown.

Update.

2010-06-12T17:25:00.007-04:00

The more time i spend with him the better it gets.
Last night was fun-
went to hooters, then went for a joy ride, then went to sleep with the bf around 4am..
Today i quit my job. idk why i put up with it so much. yes it did bring in some money, but i used over half of what i made to get there.. so it was really useless. and i just overall hated my job after working there over a year.
Posting a few pictures...

a random survey i felt like doing..

2010-06-09T23:42:00.003-04:00

1. First thing you wash in the shower?
my hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
green and white stripes, from ocean city..

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
yeah, he's my hero..

4.Do you plan outfits?
depends if i have plans or not..

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
kinda tired, but i'm up..

6. Whats the closest thing to you thats red?
cup

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m?
aim

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having?
my boyfriend breaking up with me for some other girl i think.. i don't remember the whole dream.

9. Did you meet anybody new today?
no.

10. What are you craving right now?
nope, not hungry.

11. Do you floss?
yeah.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
rabbit food, that shit is gross.

13. When was the last time you talked on aim?
right now.

14. Are you emotional?
depends..

15. Would you dance to the taco song?
theres a taco song?

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
no..

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
lick, biting into icecream is asking for trouble..

18. Do you like your hair?
yeah, who doesnt..

19. Do you like yourself?
certain things..

20. Have you ever met a celebrity?
yea.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
its not my favorite.

22. What are you listening to right now?
nothing, its silent.

23. How many countries have you visited?
none.

24. Are your parents strict?
lol no.

25. Would you go sky diving?
depends how old i was, and what mood i was in..

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
only if he was paying.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him?
not unless you gave me some..

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you’re in?
yes.

29. Have you ever been in a castle?
yes.

30. Do you rent movies often?
netflix.

31. Who sits in behind you in your math class?
i don't go to school anymore.

32. Have you made a prank phone call?
back in those days..

33. Do you own a gun?
i wish, but if i did half the world would be dead.. lol

34. Can you count backwards from 74?
if i focused..

35. Who are you going to be with tonight?
i was with my boyfriend.. the night is over.. its the morning..

36. Brown or white eggs?
white.

37. Do you own something from Hot Topic?
a belt.

38. Ever been on a train?
yes, almost everyday

39. Ever been in love?
yea..

40. Do you have a cell-phone?
who doesnt..

41. Are you too forgiving?
i use to be.

42. Do you use chap stick?
yes, even when my lips arent chapped..it makes them soft.

43. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
idk.

44. Can you use chop sticks?
yea..

45. Ever have cream puffs?
yea, along time ago.

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
no

47. What was the last question you asked?
something personal..

48. What was the last CD you bought?
rascal flatts

49. Boys or girls?
me.

50. What is your bus number for school?
i don't go to schooollll....never road the bus.

51. Is your hair curly?
naturally wavy..

52. Last time you cried?
yesterday

53. Ever walked into a wall?
yeah..

54. Do looks matter?
to an extent.

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun?
yeah,...but there style sucks now

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
many of times.

57. Favorite time of the year?
summer.

58. Favorite color?
blue..

59. Are you sarcastic?
yes...

60. Do you have any tattoos?
getting one very soon.

61. The last person you held hands with?
my bf.

62. Do you sleep with the TV on?
nope.. i like to get into a deep sleep with the rapid eye movement.

64. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
of course.

65. Do you like your life right now?
for now... but it could be better..

66. How often do you talk on the phone?
maybe once a day

67. What is your favorite animal?
monkey.

68. What was the most recent thing you bought?
this new dress.

69. Do you have good vision?
kinda..

70. Can you hula hoop?
yea

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater?
depends how long we've been together and how forgiving i was..

72. Do you have a job?
yes, independent.

73. Can you handle the truth?
i love the truth, but some people don't understand what it means to tell it.

74. What are you wearing?
clothes.

75. Have you ever crawled through a window?
lol yea..

dying my hair in less than a week...

2010-06-09T12:42:00.000-04:00

free as the wind..

2010-06-08T16:23:00.002-04:00

it feels good to not go to school anymore.
today is our one month..
and this is one of my new dresses below..

2010-06-04T10:46:00.001-04:00

finally graduated yesterday night...
graduation party is saturday...
and 13 more days til my birthday..

beach & randoms..

2010-06-02T08:14:00.003-04:00

sex in the morning.

2010-05-21T20:14:00.002-04:00

got the bangs cuttt

2010-05-20T21:49:00.002-04:00

a few prom pictures

2010-05-16T12:40:00.003-04:00

putting on his thingy. lol

my favorite picture.

our hands were backwards, but oh well.

me.

Prom was fun, even though in the beginning the DJ sucked.
Slow dancing without my heels on was a bad idea..cus i could barely reach Andrew's neck.
After prom was nice. Can't say what we did but it was nice..
and got home at 7am.

2010-05-13T20:48:00.000-04:00

getting the nails done tomorrow with a friend.
prom is on saturday, and my after prom is gonna be fun.
hotel reservations being set tomorrow.
yay.

update.

2010-05-07T17:01:00.001-04:00

got my dress, it's amazing.
better than any other dress i posted on here.
got the best prom date too.
=]

the dress options.. so far

2010-05-02T14:13:00.002-04:00

Choice #1:
Color: purple with gold sequence.
Style: open back, halter.
Plus... hmm, it didn't really do much to help my boobs..

Choice #2:
Color: Dark pink with silver sequence and diamonds.
Style: cross straps in the back, entire back is open.
Plus... makes my boobs look nice. =]

Choice #3:
Color: Navy blue, with silver sequence.
Style: cross straps in the back, open back, and open down til the belly button.
Plus... makes my boobs look nice. and makes my curves look nice.

...

2010-05-01T17:22:00.001-04:00

no feelings to describe my mood..
a mixture of sad, mad, and lonely is the best i can describe it for you..

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor..

2010-04-29T21:47:00.002-04:00

I hate when people read my blog and jump to conclusions thinking what i write is about them. Half the time what i write is not even targeted at anyone. I think people should just stop putting words in my mouth and think about what they are going to say before they actual say it...
Everything was going good for the past month until i started realizing a few things and that's when my mood went down hill. The entire 'saving money' process is stressful. The vacation money saving wont be too hard but still budgeting my other necessities is what is killing me. It's not even like i go shopping much anymore. I made a budgeting list, so hopefully that will help a little...
Not much longer til school is over. I'm excited less than 25 days, but nervous i might get lazy and slip. But hopefully i will pull through...
Lately I've been thinking I'm sorta happy i limit the amount of people i talk too.. friends are stressful and now i know why i never really had many. They talk so much shit, sometimes i just don't wanna hear it. And i hate when i wanna hang out with a friend and someone else always wants to tag along. Excuse me, but you don't know this person so why would you come along? I don't understand people. Maybe that's why i get go agitated...
Lately I've started noticing my feelings and emotions, i have no idea why. Maybe i do have a heart after all. But it seems like once i start paying attention to you, you stop paying attention to me. I make efforts but you seem too busy. But yet when I'm busy there's always something wrong with that. Maybe i should give you space, but then if i do i may be making the wrong decision. I know you don't need me, and i don't need you. But sometimes when you tell me you miss me i think you don't really mean it. You say you miss me but you don't act like it. I don't care how tired, angry, annoyed, or sad a person is they will show you they miss you..and you don't.
Something that has been bothering me is how many people will choose illegal drugs over you. It's almost a waste of time to even talk to people that do it now, 'cause you know it would just be a waste of time 'cause they wont stop for you. I understand peer pressure is a bitch, but it doesn't take more than a little lip/tongue movement to say 'no'.. expecially when you over the age of 20 and your still smoking... You have some growing up to do. And maybe checking and making sure your priorities are straight might help.

Other than my issue's nothing is new,
going on vacation in about a month...
Bake sale this weekend.

2010-04-21T17:38:00.000-04:00

new shoes.

american honey.

2010-04-19T21:05:00.001-04:00

i wish life would be wonderful now.
too much stress around me, its not even funny.

shawn mcdonald-take my hand. i love this song.

2010-04-14T21:46:00.000-04:00

i'll give it to youu.

2010-04-12T19:24:00.001-04:00

I'd say i wanna go back to what we use to be but i kinda like the idea of starting new.
i kinda like the idea of you.

Sweet Thinggggg

2010-04-06T13:52:00.001-04:00

why don't you climb out your bedroom window while the the world is sleepin'... sweet thing.

2010-04-04T22:15:00.001-04:00

To all my Greeks..

2010-04-04T10:27:00.000-04:00

Xristos anesti.

thought:

2010-04-03T22:15:00.002-04:00

Its not about who is good enough for me,
but if anyone was 'good enough' for me it'd be you.

before church..

2010-04-02T22:04:00.002-04:00

need you now.

2010-04-02T16:46:00.002-04:00

Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cus i cant fight it anymore, and i wonder if i ever cross your mind...
for me it happens all the time.
It's a quarter after 1 and I'm all alone and i need you now.
I said i wouldn't call but i lost all control and i need you now.
And I don't know how i could do without...
I just need you now.

Tell me if you'd like it.

2010-03-31T21:03:00.002-04:00

Even though sometimes you make me mad,
or for a lack of better words; sad..
i think we're meant to be.
Just you and me.

WEDDING: BEFORE. DURING. AFTER.

2010-03-28T21:34:00.005-04:00

the begining

2010-03-25T21:28:00.002-04:00

I had my tube removed today, and yes they kept me awake and yes i did scream. I just hope i start feeling better..
so my cousin came into town for the wedding, she got here around 3pm.
Today was kinda a busy day for me with the surgery and the cousin and getting ready for the wedding dinner tomorrow.
We are having the dinner at a nice Greek restaurant and there will be about 15-20 people attending. 5 more of my cousin's are coming in to town tomorrow..
I'm suppose to be getting up at 7am to take my sister to school with my cousin.
The my nail appointment is at 10am. We should be making a few stops for last minute wedding things, then coming home and cleaning up a little. By that time it will be time to go to the dinner.
The wedding starts at 3pm on Saturday, which means our hair appointments are at 9am. By the time our hair is done we get home and the limo should be waiting for us to take us to the place.
Sunday morning is the wedding breakfast, only about 20 people are coming for the brunch which is ok. I don't think i would wake up early after a wedding if i didn't have to either.
The dinner dress and the bridesmaid dresses are the cutest. I can't believe we planned a wedding in less than a month.
Pictures up on sunday?

2010-03-24T00:05:00.001-04:00

2 months.
<3

not even gravity can keep your feet on the ground when your with me.

2010-03-22T19:34:00.002-04:00

They only want my ah ah ah.

2010-03-22T10:44:00.002-04:00

Moving to Orlando in the summer with a friend.
Details are slowly coming together.

2010-03-21T22:21:00.001-04:00

starting yesterday i am busy until next tuesday. and unless u are important to me.. dont bother. =]

2010-03-20T05:28:00.001-04:00

done with life.

love.

2010-03-18T23:08:00.001-04:00

-I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop. Baby, scream and shout, I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video. Baby, leave no doubt, I want the whole world to know just what I'm all about. I love to love you out loud.

-To really love a woman; let her hold you til' you know how she needs to be touched. You've gotta breathe her, really taste her, til you can feel her in your blood. And when you can see your unborn children in her eyes you know you really love a woman.

-Every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day, and every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before, and every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss..

lets play this game..

2010-03-18T14:16:00.000-04:00

whatever you do i will do.
if you talk to a girl just know i'm gonna talk to a million other men.
keep that in mind..
i'm done playin' people's games.
karma sticks by my side.
blow me.

one love.

2010-03-16T11:05:00.000-04:00

My life in a nut shell.

2010-03-15T22:50:00.003-04:00

i have no friends.
i have no life.
i am lonely in a crowded room.
no one pays attention to me.
i might as well talk to a wall.
at this point i rather have a fake friend then none at all.

Can't take my eyes off of you.

2010-03-14T18:01:00.001-04:00

Pardon the way that I stare. There's nothing
else to compare. The sight of you leaves me
weak. There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel. Please let me know
that it's real. You're just too good to be true.
Can't take my eyes off you.

you know something is... (true facts that have happend).

2010-03-14T00:00:00.005-05:00

-you know something is up when the last time you talked to your boyfriend was at 3pm and he said he was going to the mall and you haven't heard from him since then. It's now 12:00am.

-you know something is up when someone says they will text you when they wake up and it turned 1pm and they still haven't text you, and you know damn well they've been up for a few hours.

-you know something is up when someone chooses weed over you. smh.

-you know something is wrong when your mom still tells you to measure the length of your skirt/dress with your fingers to see if it's an appropriate length...and your far too old for that.

-you know something is up when your credit card is taken from you, but yet your expected to be able to support yourself and buy your own needs/wants.

True statements that have happened to me in the last week. This is sad.

....♥

2010-03-13T21:34:00.001-05:00

Life, I've learned, is never fair. If they teach anything in schools, that should be it. - Nicholas Sparks

And when your lips met mine, I knew that I could live to be a hundred and visit every country in the world, but nothing would ever compare to that single moment when I first kissed the guy of my dreams and knew that my love would last forever.

2010-03-12T20:02:00.003-05:00

and to think i almost fell for it.

you know your ignorant when you tell me "i know u just did that because I'm black"
dumb dick, if you knew me you would know i like black people better then white people.
Damn.
people really are testing my fuckin nerves.
today was horrible.
nothing goes my way...your right. maybe i am spoiled. who cares.
i'm so mad i could shit fire right now.
byeeeee

pictures. bridesmaid shirt and dress.

2010-03-11T20:08:00.001-05:00

on the outside looking in

2010-03-10T13:19:00.000-05:00

You don't know how it feels to be your own bestfriend. Well i'm tired of staying at home, i'm bored and all alone, i'm sick of wasting all my time...you don't know what its like to be left out.

beautiful soul

2010-03-10T12:14:00.002-05:00

Update:
Haven't been in school for almost 2 weeks but I'm excused from work so it's ok. I'm still in a little bit of pain but it will go away soon. First day back to work is today, i hope that goes good.

I've lost 5 more pounds... it feels good to keep losing weight. And knowing that my sister who has always been thinner than me is now fatter than me ..it feels good. I guess that's the only thing that's been boosting my confidence. Everyone else is just bringing me down.
My face has cleared up, which is nice. But nobody notices those things. They never do.
I need to start working on my tan again now that summer is coming.
And i need to filter out the people that are bringing me down.

I went to the mall yesterday to look for some gold shoes to match the dress for the wedding, and had no luck. Everything was either not my size or didn't look good. I'm starting to think i should go bare foot. Now that i think of it while i was there i should have bought a belt. Damn.. i need one too.. all my jeans are too big "/ .. they keep falling down.. i think i should just get new jeans.

Hm , so i realized a few things. Everything turns out the opposite of what i think. But it's not like it's going to change anything even if i was .... you know.

So anyways.. thats it.

2010-03-03T13:33:00.000-05:00

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

Quote:

2010-03-03T08:45:00.001-05:00

Sometimes the perfect person for you is who you least expect it to be... ♥

Plans.

2010-03-02T11:44:00.002-05:00

Thursday will be the surgery day, i will finally not be in pain.
Friday my cousin from out of town is coming or the weekend to help with the wedding.
No school or work for me until next week.
This is going to definitely be boring.

The end of the end.

2010-02-26T21:26:00.002-05:00

Confession: I cried in the shower today, and it felt good.

I know you assume everything is ok with me because i have a smile on my face, but thats not the case. I'm stressed. I thought my life was going good until i let reality hit me. I'm never going to be good enough for anyone. I either have too many break-outs on my face, my voice is too "whiny," my shoes aren't new, or you poke my fat and tell me to do sit-up's to get rid of it. But little did you know i lost 15 pounds in 2 months. It may not show but I'm sick of the poking, and the making fun of, and trying to lower my self esteem. I'm so self concious of my acne that now i take a pill to get rid of it, but the pill can ruin the inside lining of my stomach. My shoes aren't new because i constantly owe the bank some sort of money, and until you become a billionaire then stay off me. I don't have friends because they either talk about me behind my back, or constantly nag me. And i rather have no friends than ones that are just putting on a show.
On top of that, i have a kidney stone that got stuck on the end of my urethra tube and the beginning of my bladder. It's been stuck there for a while, i just got another cat scan, and another sonogram. I'm just wondering when this is all going to end. I'm young and have yet to live my life. My job sucks, everyday i think about quitting. I want to move out, but my mom doesn't want me to move out until I'm 20, but i can barely make it until my next birthday. If she got rid of her husband things would be a lot easier on me. People will never know what he has done to me and my family. On June 17th my bags will already be packed.
I've been wanting a tattoo, and i believe i am going to get one, but now that i think about it i don't even think i can afford it. People constantly change their minds. It's almost impossible to believe that anyone will ever follow through with what they say. Nobody is showing me that they care, and i guess this is why i have a blogger. Since only my blogger listens to me. I think it's hard for me to believe anything that comes out of anyone's mouth's. Everyone lies about the dumbest things and nothing good ever comes out of it.
I know I'm no perfect person myself, but things aren't as good as i thought they were... I feel like I'm back at square one. So here goes another night i sit here and think and cry. Which isn't such a surprise.

Bridesmaid dresses.

2010-02-22T21:10:00.001-05:00

Not the best quality of a picture. But a cute ass dress. Guaranteed.

I wonder.

2010-02-22T11:00:00.002-05:00

I'm not sure if i like this picture or not. Its from the summer of '09. I feel like I'm not as chubby anymore so maybe that's my only problem with it.. But i do like my dress.

Anyways.
Today we are going to David's Bridal to look for dresses for the wedding- should be interesting if Joanna doesn't pick out ugly colors.
Tomorrow i have another kidney doctor appointment, i wonder what he's gonna tell me.. Hopefully good news.
Update's later.

long lost days.

2010-02-16T19:04:00.002-05:00

I have a kidney stone stuck in my bladder. I've gotten sonograms, and x-rays to make sure things are ok. Getting another x-ray tomorrow. They say i might go to the hospital to get tubes/stints going into my kidney to help the kidney stone to pass through. So I'm hoping everything goes as planned. I hope it doesn't hurt as much as the doctor says it will.
Going back to school tomorrow, not really looking forward to it but i guess i had to one of these days.
Valentines day was pretty nice, i got a card that described our relationship on point, and some chocolate. It was really thoughtful, i don't remember the last time i received a gift from a boyfriend. This one's a keeper. =]
Other than that nothing is new.

Sitting here counting the hours.

2010-02-13T00:33:00.002-05:00

So today was over all a really bad day except for 2 hours of it. Everything pretty much went wrong, and i felt like people were picking at my nerves. One thing after another kept happening, and i tried to blow it off.
Seeing my boyfriend today, or actually it would have been yesterday was nice. But i know today will be better. I'm almost tempted to pull an all nighter, but i have work tomorrow. Which is blowing me 'cause its valentines day tomorrow.. But oh well. I'm excited i guess. That's it for now.

i wanna be your official girl;;

2010-02-11T02:50:00.002-05:00

The last few days have been boring. Seems like the snow is never going to end, and i need to get out of this house 'cause people are making me go crazy. I think in total about a little over 3 feet of snow has been put on gods green earth. The only good thing is no school and work; it's not like i was going to get paid anyway...
I like when people read my blogger, but i don't like when they tell me they've read it. I guess its kinda awkward to me.
I'm kinda hungry right now, i know that's fat of me but i haven't ate for 7 hours. I'm craving a ledo's pizza with just cheese and pineapple. Sounds good.
My fever has been coming and going, it's annoying. I feel like I'm old because of all the hot flashes. I don't think the weather is really helping me either. But the doctor gave me some med's which are kinda working, so i guess i shouldn't complain. I have to get another sonogram again, for these kidney stones. Hopefully i don't have another bad experience like last time... "/
Hmm, but what else is new?
I should be getting a new phone in a about a week. It's time for my update. Yes, its about time. I hate my phone, its not compatible for me at all. I can't text for shit, and my phone dies like 3 hours after i fully charge it. Blow me.
I hate how at night time all the shitty tv shows come on. What happened to tv? I bought this flat screen tv for my room for NOTHING. Basically. I feel like watching "I can do bad all by myself," that movie is good. Kinda could relate to it in a small way. I might have to watch it tomorrow; doubt I'll have anything else better to do.
Got work this weekend, womp womp womp.
Life is only getting better.
And i love updating this stuff.
=]

Now look who's all alone;;

2010-02-07T22:07:00.002-05:00

feeling kinda sick lately..
just been trying to get better.

I'm sick and tired of the mess you made me,
you're never gonna catch me cry.
You must be blind if you can't see-
you'll miss me till the day you die.
Without me, you're nothing.

2010-02-03T21:38:00.000-05:00

you believed in me when i didn't even believe in myself.

Let me know...

2010-02-03T10:01:00.002-05:00

Everything turned into a lie,
I'm surprised you still wanna be mine.
I don't wanna make any wrong decisions.
Every time we talk i get sad,
'cause of all that we could of had.
I replay that song you were listening to.
Your thoughts seem to be mixed up,
but i think we could fix this up.
Just let me know how your heart is feeling today,
'cause i feel like I'm peeling away.
And i do love you, just in a different way.
Let me know how your heart is today,
so we can fix this horrible feeling.

The angels cry.

2010-02-02T19:46:00.002-05:00

I shouldn't have walked away.
I would've stayed if you said we could've made everything okay.
But we just threw the blame back and forth, we treated love like a sport.
The final blow hit so low, I'm still on the ground.
I thought we'd be forever and always.
You were serenity.
You took away the bad days.
Didn't always treat you right, but it was okay.
I did something stupid and you still stayed with me.
But you can only go for so long doing the one you claim to love wrong.
Before too much is enough you look up and find your love gone.
Now every night I feel the angels cry.

I am from.

2010-02-01T11:26:00.001-05:00

I am from Maryland

I am from Silver Spring

I am from that loud house…

On the top of your quiet street.

I am from a big family with two

Sisters that lead the way.

I am from a house full of animals-

I can visit this zoo everyday.

I am from Forest Knolls, SSI, and Northwood.

I am from good grades and big brains.

I am from Montgomery County schools-

Where people think they’re tough ‘cause they got busted for drugs.

I am from spending the day at the mall.

I am from the generation that can’t make a call.

I am from long days in front of the TV...

Watching Rugrats with Tommy.

I am from one-day trips to ocean city because our money situation was pity.

I am from having a new best friend every week.

I am from a mother who raised me Greek.

I am from the generation where people fight over the color of your nails.

I am from the crowded hallways where we walk as slow as snails.

I am from a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear.

I am from a heart full of feelings that you cant seem to bare.

I am from a world full of trees with no money to spare.

I am from a life full of terrorists who put my country in scare.

I am from long night watching love movies, -

And remembering back when I would have said he have her cooties.

I am from days when girls rather skip school to have sex with their boyfriends,

And wonder how they got pregnant.

I am from a mind full of goals that will lead me down the right path.

I am from a generation that stinks and needs to take a bath.

I am from a life that could make you laugh.

I am from a boring life that needs to be lived.

I am from..

Essay

2010-01-28T16:29:00.000-05:00

Essay: Sex, Self-Respect, & Relationships

Sexuality and self-respect is a big issue for the teen generation today. In fact more young adults are having sex, STD’s are becoming more of an issue, and TV shows are modeling sexual experiences. Throughout this essay many examples and quotes will be presented to prove my point.

The first issue being addressed is more young adults are having sex before getting to know each other. In the novel “Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man,” written by Steve Harvey, he explains that respect and values have everything to do with this. For example his advice was the following “ Give it ninety days, and you can smoke all of that out of him, so that you can be sure that this guy is the right man for you.” (Harvey 151). He continued to go on and say, “The guy who is dating you just to get the benefits up front is going to be on his best behavior in the beginning, specifically so he can make you think he’s worthy.” (Harvey 151). If girls in this generation followed the ninety-day rule; less mistakes and regrets will occur, and you will have gotten to know the person before you give them everything you have. Another way he described this issue was men consider woman as either a sports fish or a keeper. Harvey described the sports fish as a girl that “doesn’t have any rules, requirements, respect for herself, or guidelines, and we men can pick up her scent from a mile away.”(Harvey 71). The less respect the girl has for herself the easier it will be for the guy to use her. A “keeper” is the exact opposite and never gives in easily. Young girls these days don’t have good role models and follow in foot steps that aren’t necessarily good for them, if more girls had role models that were good then we would all be keepers and have guidelines and morals.

Sex is a big issue for the teen generation today, STD’s are becoming more of an issue because condoms aren’t being used correctly. According to a CNN Health article, “28 percent of men incorrectly believe they will get extra protection from wearing two condoms at once, a practice that actually leads to condom breakage.”(Landau). If more people knew the facts, and learned from sex education there would be less of a problem, less teen pregnancies, and STD’s spread. Continuing with research on this topic I read an article from the MTV website giving more examples of how STD’s are a big issue because of the lack of education and laziness. A former sex columnist Amber Madison from Tufts University said “I think most people use condoms most of the time, that’s still leaving a huge window of unprotected sex where you can get an STD.” Teens are becoming careless, thinking it won’t happen to them, and it’s usually at the back of their minds. If more advertising and help were available to the teen generation, there could be a difference in young people’s mindsets.

The last point is TV shows are modeling sex experiences and teens are imitating them to fit in. According to The RAND Corporation’s study which was published in the Pediatrics journal “which surveyed 1,792 adolescents age 12-17 from across the country, found that young people who were often exposed to sex on TV were more likely to initiate intercourse and lose their virginity earlier than teens who were not exposed to sex on TV.”(Bialek). If teens would watch less reality shows, or use their brains before they imitate a TV show less people may regret losing their virginity. In the future, TV producers should limit who views their shows, and there should be a limit on how many sex based TV shows can be aired in one period of time. To help prevent STD’s and teen pregnancy the TV shows that are modeling sex can have a scene where instead of going right into the sex, they can show the guy putting a condom on. If someone on a TV show jumped off a cliff, most people will know better not to do the same thing. Parents can help by informing their teens that TV isn’t always the best thing to believe. According to Anna Bialek, the person who wrote the article titled “Fight for your rights: protect yourself,” she claims that “education may help young people resist the unrealistic ideals presented on TV and help them make better and more informed decisions.” Going to school and taking certain classes can help teens make better decisions.

In conclusion, with all the support and education, there shouldn’t be an excuse for why sex and self-respect has been a big issue for the teen generation today. This issue can be avoidable, if teens and young adults thought about their actions before they do them. Have you ever wondered why teens resort to having sex at a young age? Research has proven that TV shows are part of the problem. If more people cared about their future and less stress was being put on the younger generation to “grow up,” a difference in the pregnancy rate would show. Young woman should set up guidelines for relationships, so sex wont be at the top of their lists.

Hard work pays off.

2010-01-27T14:37:00.002-05:00

So, i wrote an essay for English about 2 weeks ago on what i thought the biggest issue for my generation was. I thought about it and had chosen sex and relationships. Come to find out i got a perfect grade on it.. so I'm thinking about posting it on my blogger.

tattoo possibility..?

2010-01-25T17:26:00.000-05:00

you had it all for a pretty little while...

2010-01-24T15:09:00.004-05:00

..and some how you made me smile when i was sad. You took a chance on a bruised and beaten' heart, and then you realized you wanted what you had. I guess I should be more like that.
she's beautiful in her simple little ways..you don't look much like a man from where I'm at.
I guess i should have been more like her.

Water runs dry.

2010-01-15T19:32:00.000-05:00

2009-12-22T22:24:00.000-05:00

It was hard to find a brotha that was down for me, so I'm tellin' everybody let him be 'cause hes mine and I cant take no pigeons tryna take my baby. So I thought I had to let you know find someone that you can call your own 'cause now your walkin' in the danger zone.

2009-12-22T15:12:00.001-05:00

2009-12-12T09:41:00.001-05:00

I'm wrong.

2009-12-04T20:38:00.001-05:00

i'm just mad.

2009-12-01T20:38:00.000-05:00

Masking a troubled soul.

2009-11-30T17:51:00.004-05:00

Now the oak trees are swaying in the early autumn breeze,
the golden sun is shining on my face.
The tangled thoughts; I hear a mockingbird sing,
this whole world really ain't that bad of place.
There's no comprehending.
And who am I to try to judge or explain.
But I do have one burning question...
Who told you life wasn't worth the fight?..
They were wrong, they lied.
Now you're gone, and I cry.
Cause it's not like you to walk away in the middle of a song.
Your beautiful song...
Your absolutely beautiful song.

[Life is a song; don't end it, and don't walk away].

Holdin' on.

2009-11-30T17:42:00.004-05:00

She's holdin' on to the wheel, to the way he made her feel.
To the shifter, to the memories, and every precious moment with him.
Like the left behind colors in the sky when the sun is gone..
She's holdin' on.
There's that voicemail on her cell phone she don't dare erase.
He ended with I love you, and she saves it just in case it might still be true.
No she ain't through.
She's holdin' on to the past, to the last time he held her.
To the breath on his neck, and the three words she said.
She's holdin' on..

Better leave now or you'll never know..

2009-11-24T15:15:00.003-05:00

Tell me you love me.

You know how one of your friends or family members
tell you how much their boyfriend is fucking up...
Lying, hiding things, and all that other stuff...
You listen and you just think to yourself...
damn I'm glad my boyfriend doesn't do that.
So, after they are finished talking to your friend/family member...
your thankful of your man, so you call him...
But when you call him you cant find the words to say to explain how your feeling...
You'll get frustrated...
Which defeats the whole purpose of calling him in the first place.
I don't know what is wrong with this picture...But damn.
I need to get my mind back in order.
&& Hearing about other people's relationship problems makes me think...
But whatever.
Maybe i just feel like i never talk to you anymore, and your always busy.
I don't know.

<-- Old pic...

2009-11-23T13:35:00.001-05:00

How far do you wanna go?